so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
