Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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