I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize