Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
