Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
