I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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