that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize