He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
