Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
