Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
