my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
