I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
