We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
