Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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