i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
