I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
