i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
