You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
