I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
A+ Viking dick
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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