her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
