the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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