Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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