I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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