in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
