Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
