i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
