If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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