I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sorry about my life...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
