I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
