now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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