Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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