I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
