R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
