Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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