The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
