My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
