nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
