What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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