alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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