He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
