I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
