My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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