I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
