Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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