sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
