I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
