That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
