did you get engaged???
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
