You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
