last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
