i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
