That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
