Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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