Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
