Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
