Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
