Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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