dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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