my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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