You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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