You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love having hate sex.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
