The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
